What is Counselling?         Couples, Marriage, Relationship & Family Counselling

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Phone 02 8090 4122

Mobile 0414 718 338

Toni@TLCounselling.com.au

Skype - Toni.Langford

I am a fully qualified Counsellor, registered with the Australian Counselling Association and insured with Berkley 

Session Details...

Odonata Wellbeing Clinic
13-15 Gymea Bay Rd Gymea, entry via Warburton St

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Counselling Session Details

Counselling sessions last for 1 hour for individuals and 1 ½ hours for couples

Sessions can either be for individuals, couples, families or groups

Cancellation Policy

24 hours notice or 50% of session fee is payable

Your Couples Counsellor in the Sutherland Shire –

Let me help you both live your best lives...

Do you want to unlock your inner potential?

Would you like to communicate without always getting into a fight  about it or feeling unheard?

Do you want to learn how to be more accepting of yourself and others?

I work with normal people with everyday problems as well as couples in crisis, so if this sounds good to you, then give me a call on 02 8090 4122 or 0414 718 338 now.  My aim is to help you find meaningful alternatives to your current ways of thinking, feeling and reacting. 

And remember if you always do what you always did, 

you will always get what you always got.

So if you want something different, what are you going to do that is different?

What is Counselling?

Counselling is about helping normal people with every day problems, just like you, find better ways of getting their message across to others.

So if you want to discover new ways to communicate your needs and understand other people better, then counselling can help you.

One of the many benefits of counselling is that you will become more accepting of yourself and others.  You will also discover counselling promotes personal development and helps you unlock your full inner potential.

The proven success I have is due to years of clinic experience with couples and individuals alike, using such tools as Neuro Linguist Programme (NLP), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and a swag of other therapies, as well as good old-fashioned honesty about your problems and the reality based evidence that supports them up.

As change and improvement can be felt from the very first session, you will start to see a new way of life is attainable because of the easy strategies you will learn.  These strategies will help you begin to build and then maintain a healthy, happy and vibrant life.

All your problems will not be fixed or resolved in the first session, nor will all your pain go away immediately, however I do guarantee:-

·         A safe, nurturing and secure environment to do the work you need to do to change behaviours that no longer work for you

·         A qualified and registered mental health professional, who specialises in communication issues, who will support, encourage and guide you along your chosen path

·         You will learn new strategies and techniques to deal with your own life

·         You will find no hidden agendas on my behalf, because these are your sessions and will be at your pace, as you are the expert in what your life is like, not me

These strategies can help you to achieve a new sense of well-being, the ability to own your own feelings and create your own positive outlook on life.  At TLC I cover all aspects of personal and relationship counselling and deal with a wide range of emotional issues from you needing to improve your self-esteem to bereavement and grief problems.

Counselling can help you change behaviours and reactions that no longer get you want you want or need.  Counselling is not about simply listening to your problems, nor is it about giving advice. Counselling involves you being proactive and moving towards positive change.  I will help and support you to move towards that positive change through the use of proven strategies, self awareness and self-empowerment.

Counselling can also help children who have become victims in their parents’ divorces. Counselling children is about having their own situation normalised for them, in an age appropriate way, by letting them know that it is not their fault and they can love both their parents equally without fear, shame or guilt.

Please read further to find out what other issues can be helped with counselling, such as stress management, conflict resolution and general copying with your life’s ups and downs. 

Or give me a call on 02 8090 4122 or email on Toni@TLCounselling.com.au.

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Couples, Marriage, Relationship and Family Counselling

Many people have asked me "Can counselling help us in our relationship and family life?"  The answer is a resounding YES!!  

If you feel like you're constantly hitting your head against a brick wall and not able to get your message across.  If you are having issues getting yourself heard and understood in your relationship or family.  If you're finding it hard not to use judgmental or blaming words and language to talk about a problem you have.  If you find that whenever you try to talk about something important it always spirals into an argument, then counselling can really work for you.  

This type of counselling isn't about me be the judge and jury in the family fights, and it's not my role to decide how you should change.  My role is to help each person to see more clearly what they're doing, help them make an honest assessment of how well their current patterns are working for them and then to encourage them to make changes they deem necessary.

One aspect of family counselling is helping people to learn how to fight fair and stop the dirty, mud slinging fights.  We will always have conflict in our relationships while there is more than one person involved.  Coming to see me will help you learn to fight in a fair and non blaming way and find new ways to understand your partner, boss, children, sibling or parents, as well as them learning to understand you.  Does that sound like a good thing to you?  If it does then give me a call on 02 8090 4122 or 0414 718 338 and take the first step in learning how to fight fair.

When working with couples we start by discussing what is working in the relationship and what is not.  If you can't find anything that is working, then we take a step back and look at  what used to work and move forward from there.  

This is true for individuals and families alike.  Once we all learn how to communicate with each other without having to go into the snake pit of old fights, hurts, blame, victim hood and anger then we have a change to get our message heard and understood.

If you want to have healthy and happy relationships then communication is the key to getting to a place where everyone can talk and discuss what they want and need, without it turning into World War III or worse.  And the first step is to find a counsellor who you feel will support you all, equally, on this journey.

A relationship, couples or family counsellor's role is not to  take sides in an argument and we don't judge anyone on how significant or insignificant their issue may appear to be, our role is about finding out what the argument is truly about and guiding you all forwards a place were you can discover new strategies to talk about what you want and expect from each other.  I like to think of myself as Switzerland, I'm neutral.

The couples and families I have worked with have had remarkable and long term results from committing to therapy.  Everyone walks away from each session with new strategies and techniques to communicate their needs and how to negotiate getting them met.   You will also discover new ways to understand what your partner or family member is actually saying to you and what they really want.  If you assume your partner knows what you want then you may be in for a big shock when you find out most of the time you are just guessing. 

A few helpful tips

Women's brains have a larger language centre which uses both the left and right sides of her brain.  Because of this higher activity women process information quicker and are better multi taskers.  Women process information in a circular way, so they use more words to describe something or get their point across.  They are more fluent in speech, they have more to say and use more words to say it.  They also zero in on a problem.  They are more likely to remember all details whether it is good or bad (women have a larger hippocampus).  

Men traditionally only use the left side of their brain for communication.  This equates to men needing less words to get their point across, however they have the same about of words available to them, they just don't need to use them.  If you want your man to understand what you want then use bullet points not paragraphs, too many words will overwhelm your man.  Usually men aren't great at remembering emotional details because they have a smaller memory centre (hippocampus).   Yet have a larger flight or fight centre (hypothalamus), this means they usually will act first and ask questions later.  Men are great at mechanical and spatial things that require less words.

For Women

• Use less words, give it to him in bullet points or very short sentences, think of the destination, not the journey

• Discuss one subject at at time, more than that may overwhelm him and cause him to shut down on you

• You can ask more than once just don't nag him, if you're not sure how to do this ask him to give you the words that he would find helpful to remind him that a task still needs to be done

• Don't ask your man something while he's distracted (ie) watching TV, fixing the lawn mower, balancing the family bank account, ask him when is it a good time to talk and then plan to discuss what you want

For Men

• Don't cut your woman off, let her finish what she needs to say, think of the journey, not the destination

• If she's crying don't try to fix it or stop her, just hold her and stroke her head until she stops - keep your mouth tightly shut

• Don't try to solve her problems, just reflect back to her what you heard her say

• Don't treat her like your buddy, she's your lover not your mate

For both of you

• Focus on your own reactions - even though it takes two hands to clap, where you are come from matters as it is all you can control

• Do less of what hurts - it takes only 1 bad experience to wipe out 5 good ones, so if you can stop 1 bad one then the 5 good ones are still there

• Think before you leap - start to think "will what I'm about to say cause more drama? Do I want to be right or happy?

• Don't go down the usual path - if you want different then do different, what are you going to do now that is different to what you usually do?

• Change their image of you - same as above, what are you going to do different?

• There is always more than one way to eat spaghetti - acknowledge your partners point of view, you don't have to agree with it but you do need to acknowledge they have a right to their own opinion

• Earn brownie points - think back to times when things were good and try to do more of what you did then

• Everything in life is a compromise - what are you prepared to compromise on and is your partner prepared to do the same?

• Going to the gym - changing the way you behave is like going to the gym, you can't get a six pack if you only go to the gym once, you have to continue to work those muscles, it's the same with behaviours, you need to keep practicing and doing the homework

• Seek professional support - it's better to act before the horse has bolted, as it can take less work to rebuild the trust that has gone

Rules of Engagement - How to Fight Fair

Does it often happen that you just want to talk to you partner about a problem you have and it ends up spiralling out of control into a full blow screaming match?  Do you want to learn how to stop it escalating into a slinging match, well I've listed below a few rules that I teach my clients when they come in for couples counselling.

1. Speak to your partner in the tone and volume of voice you would like to be spoken in yourself

2. Use words that are respectful, non blaming and non toxic

3. Don't bring up past fights or use phrases like "you never let me finish what I'm saying" or "You always turn things around"

4. Only bring up 1 subject at a time and then let the other person answer fully

5. Don't talk over the other person, let them finish what they need to say on that 1 subject, you know if you interrupt they're not listening to you anyway, so wait until they've finished what they saying

6. If alcohol is involved walk away, no-one thinks straight (or remembers what they've said) when they've got a skin full, resolve to talk about it when you're both sober and able to think clearly

7. Don't ask a question if you don't already know the answer, or if you're trying to get a specific answer out of the other person, this is manipulative and doomed to failure because you may not like the answer you receive

8. Use conflict resolution tools such as  "When you ..... (eg yell and swear) I feel .... (eg scared and frightened) Because ..... (eg You're a big man and you seem to grow bigger when you get angry)

9. Own how you're feeling, don't blame the other person for where you are emotionally (eg You always make me feel like crap when you speak to me like a child)

10. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?  Find out what you're really fighting about, are you just fighting for attention or is there a real problem that needs to be sorted out, that is what you both need to figure out

11. And remember if you want different you have to do different, so what are you going to do differently today?

These are just a few of the skills and tools we discuss in a couples counselling sessions, usually I tailor everything to specifically help you learn to fight fair and stay out of the snake pit of toxic warfare. 

So if any or all of this sounds like a great plan  and you would like to start communicating in a better, more understanding and respectful way, then don't hesitate to contact me on either  02 8090 4122,  0414 718 338 or email on Toni@TLCounselling.com.au.