Relationship Maintenance

It always baffles me how people spend their money.  People will get their cars serviced regularly because of the safety aspect however they very rarely spend money on maintaining their relationship.  Our romantic relationship can run into a ditch just as quickly as our car can if we don’t   maintain it.  Recently I met someone who was telling me a story about 3 of his school friends.  They all got together after 10 years & only 1 of the men was still married.  He was asked why & he told them that every year for the past 30   years he & his wife when to see a marriage counsellor & he claimed   that was one of the secrets to a long & happy marriage.  I thought this was a great idea, however most couples won’t do it as they always put their relationship last.

Anyway, I’ve put together a few tips for you all to consider using to fine tune your relationships.

Declare – let your partner know you’re with them for the long haul & the right reasons, staying in a relationship for the money or the children is not a good enough reason to be with someone.  Neither is you don’t want to be alone & are afraid if you leave then you be alone for the rest of you life.  There are much worse things to have happen to you, like staying in a loveless, disrespectful or abusive relationship.

Spread it around – make sure the household chores are shared around, both with the adults &   with any children, no matter how old they are.  It’s not hard, it’s about not wanting everything to be “perfect”, it about getting some down time.

Transparency – be open to how your partner is feeling and listen to them.  Just because someone isn’t happy doesn’t mean you have to do something about it, they may just be voicing how they feel without wanting you to fix it.  Also, don’t make it personal & don’t take it personal.  No one can make you feel anything unless you let them!  Take responsibility for how you feel & don’t blame the other person.

Up the positivity factor – make the effort to be fun to be with, no one wants to be with a grump all the time.  Life can get us all down, so if you feel this way do something about it.  Happiness is a mindset & is your responsibility, not the other persons.  Refer to the point above!!

Share it around – make the effort to have your partners’ friends and family included in social events if possible.  That’s for both of you, not just one.

I know it’s hard with all the busyness of our lives today to make room for one more think, however even the smallest attempt is better than no attempt at all.  Just taking the time to ask & actually listen to how your partners’ day was makes a world of difference, especially   if you’re feeling disconnected from them.  A client recently reflected back to me of their couples sessions that it was all the little things that really made all the difference to their marriage changing from a disaster to a loving & committed one, where they saw hope & a great life together.

Finally, remember nothing will change unless you take the time to do something differently today than you did yesterday.

The quote I would like to leave you with this month is:-

You can’t change yesterday but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow.