Problems Processing Plant
| I’ve been working with a lot with couples resently (which is my passion) & a common theme seems to be woman expecting their men to process problems & feelings in the same way they do. This is not an option & never will be!!! Yes I am generalising, however I have found that most couples have this exact issue.If you consider the way men & women process problems, you will see that men process their problems & emotions privately & women process them publicly. What this means is when a man has a problem or is asked to come up with an answer, on the spot, to a woman’s question of how do you feel or what should we do, they need to go inside & process it. Women are the polar opposite, when they have a problem or are asked a question, typically they will talk it out, processing it publicly.
And as you can imagine or if you have experienced this, expecting something different traditionally leads to an escalation of tension & an argument ensues. Changing the way you say things, using different words, repeating yourself, getting angry, leaving notes, drawing diagrammes, etc, will not make a man give you a quick response. If women take the time to know that their male partner processes problems & emotions differently then they do they have the ability to give them the time & space to give their answer, their truth. It does not take all the frustration away, however it will slow an argument down & stop it escalating into further anger. So next time you ask your man to respond to your emotions, ask how he’s feeling about something or want his help with a problem, give him the time to process it. Ask him to give you a time frame for his reply & then leave him alone to digest it, process it, formulate an answer & get back to you. Pushing him for a response will only get you where you always end up & that’s nowhere! Men this isn’t an excuse for you to not get involved because I guarantee if you don’t give her your truth, she will bug you till you do what you usually do & that is push her away with words (stop nagging me), bring up the past (you always …….) or avoiding her (I can’t talk now I’m busy doing …….). Remember if you want different you have to do different, so what are you going to do differently today? The quote I would like to leave you with this month is:- Everything you need is already inside. Just do it. |