Mid Life Rethink

For years we have heard people talk about (mainly men) having a mid life crisis & how they buy flash sports cars, get fit, loose weight, leave otherwise loving relationships to start new ones with much younger women. Well the reality is that there is a rethink of our lives & it usually happens between 40 & 50 yo, however can happen in some cases in their 30’s.

Where adults come to realise their own mortality and how much time is left in their life, they start to rethink what they have contributed to their life.  At 20 yo most of us had dreams of where we would be, what we would have, what sort of life we would be living, what sort of partner / children we would have, by the time we reach mid 40’s. Usually there was a belief that by mid 40’s we would have it all together & be readying ourselves for a young retirement. If we get to our 40’s & the reality doesn’t live up to the dream then that is when things start to unravel. We start to rethink who we are, what we have contributed so far & what we have left to contribute.

When we contribution during this period, such as raising a family or working toward the betterment of society, a sense of productivity and accomplishment results. In contrast, a person who is self-centred and unable or unwilling to help society can develop a feeling of stagnation, a dissatisfaction with the relative lack of productivity.

A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during this time when they realise that life may be half over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by changing body functions, such as andropause (male menopause) or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realising that a job or career which we have done for most of our adult life is hated but you have no idea how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. This is when people may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams & the reality may be a far cry from that dream. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situations, such as in a career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures (boats, cars, etc), or physical appearance. Some of the central psychological tasks for this age group are:-

• Express love through more than sexual contacts
• Maintain healthy life patterns
• Develop a sense of unity with a life partner
• Help growing and grown children to be responsible adults
• Relinquish central role in the lives of grown children
• Accept children’s mates and friends
• Create a comfortable home
• Be proud of accomplishments of self and partner
• Reverse roles with aging parents
• Achieve mature, civic and social responsibility
• Adjust to physical changes of middle age
• Use leisure time creatively

So next time you hear about someone struggling with what they have achieved so far in their lives, have a little empathy & understanding.  Talk to them about the reality of their 20 yo beliefs & the reality of now, help them find better ways to express their dissatisfaction, or lack of achievement.