Tears vs Anger

I was reflecting with my clinical supervisor the other day and he mentioned I should look into men and managing their anger.  I told him I already had a theory about that and discussed my ideas with him.

In principle, as a child most kids are taught how to behave or react.  If a boy falls over and hurts himself,  starts to cry, usually he’s told to suck it up and stop being a baby.  Conversely, little girls if they get angry they are told ‘don’t you get angry with me missy,’ yet tears and crying are an acceptable.

When a man is upset or feelings emotions that makes him uncomfortable, he will get angry. This can be because he was taught as a boy that this is an appropriate emotion to show and feel.

Girls were allowed to cry but not get angry. So as women we have a tendency to cry when we’re angry or frustrated instead of showing or verbalising anger.

It’s a hard habit to break and can be quite confronting to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of others.  It’s also liberating to be free of what other people think you should be feeling, showing or verbalising.

Recently a couple where we discussed this in session. They found their relationship grew in powerful ways because they provided a safe space for the other person. Doing this rebuild the trust and stopped them feeling judged and criticised.

Helpful Links

Here is a link back to the home page of my website

this is an interesting article on the benefits of crying

Here is another interesting article on the benefits of crying