The Hidden Lives of Men and Women

Now that I have your attention what I would like to share with you this month is all the work I’ve been doing in recent months with couples. Over the past 7 months most of the new clients I have met with are couples struggling with how to talk to their partner and be understood.

One of the main problems I encounter in my clinic is men and women not understanding how the other person communicates, because we both communicate in such very different ways.

An example of this is how we both process a problem. A woman will traditionally talk about the issue, asking questions, vocalising what she can do and asking other peoples opinion as she processes what her options are.

On the other hand when a man has a problem he does the complete opposite, he internalises everything a woman externalises. He will think about his options, make plans and lists of what he can do in his head and when he finds a solution that best suits him he will then communicate that. Another way of thinking about it is , it’s like women are interested in the journey and men are interested in the destination.

Another difference I highlight is the love vs respect issue. A man will tolerate feeling unloved as long as he feels respected, the polar opposite to how women feel. If a woman feels disrespected she will tolerate it as long as she feels loved.

A simple way we as women can show disrespect to our men is by constantly telling him that we are going to be late. If we’ve told him once then we’ve told them a thousand times, he knows we’re going to be late, our continual efforts to remind him of this fact only serves to make him feel that we do not respect him and his understanding of the situation. Or telling our man to ask for directions if he is lost.

This is a biggie. What I have hear a man would prefer to hear is “Honey, can you pull over and I will ask at the Servo for directions.” Doing this is less disrespectful than tell him to go and ask for directions himself. And at the end of the day if your man is always getting lost then Christmas is just around the corner, why not buy him a GPS!

If you have felt less than loved by your man because he spends every hour the Universe sends him at work then you need to know that this is a big way a man shows his love. A man will work horrendous hours to show his love for you and his family, however a woman will interpret his actions as he doesn’t what to be with her. This is because as women we would work fewer hours so we could be with our partner.

See how simple it is when we have a little information about our partners? A little understanding will go a long way in keeping our relationship on solid ground and our sanity in tact.

The quote I would like to leave you with today is :-

Don’t borrow anxiety from the future