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Relationship Advice – I Call BS!!

How to revive your relationship in as little as 5 minutes, not likely

Last Sunday (19.1.2025), Body and Soul (The Sunday Telegraph) published an article on ‘How to revive your relationship (in as little as 5 minutes). Not possible. Even if a relationship is only 6 months old, 5 minutes isn’t going to fix anything long term. We take all our past relationships, including the ones we watched our parents role model to us, to our relationships. This continues until we stop repeating the past and find a new way of being us. Remember, you can’t take your old self into your new life and that includes new relationships.

The notion that a struggling relationship can be revitalised “in as little as 5 minutes” is an oversimplification that risks setting unrealistic expectations for couples seeking genuine improvement. While brief interactions or quick strategies might provide a temporary boost, meaningful and lasting relationship enhancement typically requires ongoing effort, introspection, and mutual commitment. Let’s delve into why such claims oversimplify the realities of building a healthy and enduring partnership.

The Illusion of Quick Fixes

The idea of a 5-minute solution appeals to our desire for instant gratification. However, relationships are complex and deeply rooted in emotional, psychological and situational factors. Short-term actions, while they may serve as a catalyst for positive feelings, cannot address the foundational challenges many couples face, such as communication breakdowns, trust issues, or unresolved conflicts. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, successful relationships rely on ongoing positive interactions and deep emotional connections, not fleeting moments of effort. (Source: Gottman Institute)

The Importance of Consistent Effort

A strong relationship is built on a foundation of consistent care and attention. Relationship coach Aston Simmonds emphasises the value of regular check-ins to ensure partners don’t drift apart over time. She suggests that couples take time to reflect on shared experiences, mutual goals, and emotional well-being. This involves asking thoughtful questions such as:

  • What’s one of your favourite memories from our time together?
  • How can I better support you during challenging times?
  • What do you hope to feel more of in our relationship moving forward? These conversations can help partners reconnect on a deeper level, fostering understanding and growth. (Source: Daily Telegraph)
  • Seeking professional support when communication styles don’t align and no-one gets their voice heard

Navigating Fluctuations in Attraction

Attraction naturally fluctuates over the course of a long-term relationship. Sydney-based sexologist Georgia Grace explains that these changes are normal and often linked to factors like stress, routine, or evolving individual desires. To rekindle attraction, couples should create opportunities for novelty and intimacy. This might involve playful and flirty exchanges, planning a surprise date, or engaging in activities that build emotional connection. Grace also advises individuals to reflect on their personal turn-ons and turn-offs to better understand what they’re seeking in their relationship. (Source: Daily Telegraph)

Addressing Deeper Issues

Many relationships falter not because of a lack of quick fixes but due to unaddressed underlying problems. In other words, unvoiced relationship expectations. These can include unresolved conflicts, mismatched expectations, or ineffective communication patterns. Tackling these challenges requires honesty, vulnerability and often professional support. Couples therapy or relationship counselling can provide a safe space for partners to explore these issues and work towards solutions. Research shows that therapy can significantly improve relationship satisfaction by helping couples develop healthier communication habits and repair emotional wounds. (Source: American Psychological Association)

The Role of Intentional Practice

One key to sustaining a healthy relationship is intentionality. This means actively practicing habits that nurture the partnership, such as expressing gratitude, showing physical affection and making time for shared activities. While these actions may seem small, their cumulative effect can significantly enhance the emotional bond between partners. Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in emotionally focused therapy, notes that secure and lasting love is built through consistent emotional responsiveness. (Source: Emotionally Focused Therapy)

Conclusion

While the idea of reviving a relationship in 5 minutes might be appealing, it oversimplifies the complexities of human connection. Sustainable improvement requires time, effort, and a willingness to engage deeply with one another. Quick fixes might provide temporary relief; however, they cannot replace the transformative power of consistent care, open communication and shared commitment. By embracing these principles, couples can cultivate relationships that are not only resilient but deeply fulfilling.

Remember, no matter how old you are, you have a history of relationship experiences that define your expectations. So, seeking professional help to explore patterns that may no longer be helpful is always a great jump off point. So, give me or another therapist who can support you to help yourself.

Useful Links

Here is a link to the Gottman Institute, a world renowned expert in relationship issues Gottman Institute

Here is a link to the original article in the Body & Soul 19.1.2025 – https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-and-relationships/dating-and-relationships/how-to-revive-your-relationship-in-as-little-as-5-minutes/news-story/e449a1f999228b993b0b0f6f283a99fc

Here is a link to my home page https://www.tlcounselling.com.au/